Posted in Blog, Featured, Mother, Rebecca, Wife, Woman

Ponytail truths

This post is about hair…and it’s not about hair. I know, deep huh? Bear with me.

I have always been in love with my hair.

The pretty hair.

It’s my favorite part of my body and I’ve always taken good care of it. You name it, I’ve done it to my hair. And I started messing with it when I was 12. Mostly, at 12, I just started straightening it or curling it every day. Yup. And back then, we didn’t have the super ninja straighteners. I straightened it with a curling iron and it probably took me 2 hours. Whew. I’ve spent a lot of my life straightening my hair. Scary.

Anyway, before I became a Mom, I VOWED and swore up and down that I would NEVER ever ever become that Mom that “let herself go” after having kids. Yup. I’ve seen the same Oprah shows you have. The phenomenal makeovers of the lazy, tired and frumpy Moms. Yikes. Those ladies scared me….and that’s embarrassing to admit, but true. (I’m talking this was when I was 20 and immature that I thought this, kay?)

As I got older and closer to having kids, I still promised to never be the Mom that let herself go. See, I thought it all meant something.

“Well, if she stops doing her hair, then that means she doesn’t value herself anymore.”

“If she doesn’t make the time to put on some makeup, then she’s showing that she doesn’t care anymore.” Blah blah blah. Yeah, ok so I’ve had some shameful thoughts and made some major judgements about people I don’t even know. I’m the only one that does that right? Uh huh.

So I got pregnant and had a child. Traumatic childbirth, horrible postpartum recovery, PTSD, depression….you know, the trenches of Motherhood. I went there. And kinda forgot about my stupid hair. That happens. It’s called a baby. 🙂

Over the last few years, I made time to straighten my hair or go get it colored, but it did become less important to me. You know what I was thinking though….when my son was a year or so, I started to think, “Ok woman, get it together. Put some makeup on and do your hair. And not just in a ponytail this time.”

I did. I tried so hard to do it. I only straightened my hair a few times every couple months. Sure, it felt and looked great. I always feel glamorous with my hair down. But…it. took. so. much. darn. time. Time I didn’t have anymore.

Sure, I’d love to look fabulous every single second of every day. To be honest, I’m the only one that cares. My husband loves me no matter what. And that super cute baby sure doesn’t mind.

My self-talk & emotions were running me ragged.

“Rebecca, you are letting yourself go. You’ve been wearing your hair in a ponytail 28 days out of every month.” haha. I didn’t keep track. I’m exaggerating to be funny, but I did have a hard time with it. “You’re gonna wear those workout pants again too?”

Come on!!!! Shut up, stupid self talk. Motherhood is tough. It’s in fact, the toughest thing I’ve ever done. I’m giving it all I have every day and who cares I’m wearing my hair back in a ponytail or wearing my super comfy pants again?

Have you ever heard of Fact versus Meaning? Whew. This changed my life.

Fact – I wear my hair back a lot in a ponytail.

Meaning – My hair is in a ponytail.

Does NOT mean – I don’t care. I am lazy. I don’t value myself. 

I know. Profound huh? No, it’s not. It’s super simple.

I’m tired of beating myself up over things. Things that don’t mean anything. Or at least they don’t unless I apply a meaning to them. But that’s in MY POWER. That’s MY CHOICE. It’s so important to be aware of what meanings we are applying to things. It may be small or it may even be big, it doesn’t matter.

As soon as we tell ourself it means something, we make it part of our identity.


My loyal ponytail

My son is 3.5 now and I wear my hair back in a ponytail a lot. I like it and it means nothing. (see? I’m free now!) It stays out of my face. It’s easy and quick. It stays healthier because I use less products and less heat. I do make it pretty once in a while, when I have the time or feel like it. My husband likes it down and pretty so I will do it for him.

And it means nothing. Yup, nada. Took me almost 4 years to figure it all out. That makes me kinda laugh because there are so many more complex problems in life to be dealing with. Truth is, even little things matter and if not addressed, they can become bigger things.

Like I said at the beginning, it wasn’t really about my hair. It was about what I was telling myself about my hair. Alright…now on to those bigger and badder problems. 🙂

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