Posted in Blog, Featured, Friends, Rebecca

Perception of perfection

Is there such a thing as the Perfect Mom? What about the Perfect Woman?

Although I’ve known my entire life that becoming the Perfect Woman was not attainable, I must admit I sought after it anyway. After all, I was looking for and expecting the Perfect Man to show up. And I wasn’t planning on marrying anything less than that!! You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not…not even a bit.

Eventually I did concede that indeed, yes, I was anything but perfect. And I also conceded that there was no such thing as the Perfect Man. I adjusted my expectations and after I did that, BAM! I found an amazing guy and got married. 🙂

We are anything but perfect. And here’s the deal. No one is. SHOCKER, I know.

Here’s the battle though. This is what’s truly scary. People (me included) have the PERCEPTION that perfection exists. We know in our head that it does not exist, but things around us are always trying to fool us.

We get caught up in what we see, what we hear, what we feel. Other people’s opinions, thoughts, and THEIR perceptions influence us because of our insecurities, our lack of security or self confidence.

Here’s some of my self-talk.

“I am not organized. I never feel like I have it ‘together’. That Mom is so put together. She always looks great. She makes everything look easy. She never complains or has any problems. Why can’t I be more like that? What’s wrong with me?”

Ok, it’s a bit embarrassing and humbling to admit that I’ve thought this but it’s true. THIS needs to be said. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! Or me.

I promise you this. That “perfect mom” is not so perfect. Maybe she won’t admit it. Maybe she is not honest about her problems, but good about covering them up. Who knows? Maybe she is hurting but doesn’t feel safe enough to show it. Maybe she cries herself to sleep at night after everyone has gone to bed because it’s the only time she can be real.

Everyone has problems. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Some are just more apparent than others.

The Perfect Mom problem is so bad. I’ve struggled with the comparison game and I know others have too. We need to stop it. Motherhood is tough enough. We have enough challenges to deal with. We don’t need to dissect each other and compete.

And you need to stop worrying about that Perfect Mom you think you see at your Moms group or the playground. She is so not who you think she is. It’s a perception, not reality. Stop judging her and stop judging yourself. We end up comparing ourselves to a false reality and then sometimes take it further….TO MEAN SOMETHING about ourselves. That’s the worst. ENOUGH!!! Do you hear me?

Even if you are not organized, it means nothing. So you can’t cook. It means nothing. You can’t get to class on time. You forget stuff. Oh well. Say it now. “Oh well”.

Hear me. What you DO is NOT WHO YOU ARE. These are two separate things kay??? 

I’m a work in progress. My self-talk is a work in progress. I guarantee you this. People want us to be authentic NOT perfect. Our friends want us to be real…and honest. Not fake. In fact, I will even venture to say people are STARVING for authenticity in their lives.

My husband will overlook ANY imperfection. Why? Because he values honesty. He values authenticity. THAT is where the gold is. I thank God for him. And you know what? Our kids are learning from US. We can say we are teaching them to be honest, but if we run around trying to look and be perfect all the time, they are learning that too. We aren’t fooling anyone, especially them.

Please hear my heart, and I know it’s your desire too! Drop the act. Drop the judgement on yourself and others. Just be real. Trust me, it’s so much easier and fun than trying to be perfect all the time. 🙂

 

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