Who am I?
When my son turned 3 months old, I felt like I had become Super Mom already. I was an expert at all things baby, changing diapers, discerning his cry, and we were on a schedule. Things seemed to be settling into a routine and I wasn’t feeling so overwhelmed anymore.
Out of the blue, one day I woke up and felt hopeless. Here came the IDENTITY CRISIS!! Was this cycle of everything baby and mom (and wife) ever gonna end? My days all ran together. Yeah I got out every once in a while and that felt good. But I kept thinking over and over, “what am I doing? why am I here?” I felt a little lost.
Since he was a week old, I had attended some classes for new moms. One day, the instructor mentioned several times that there it’s a challenge to find your “new normal”. Life with a new baby is not like the single life.
In fact, it’s not really like anything I’ve ever experienced. I knew who I was by myself. I knew who I was as a wife. But now I’m a Mom. And now comes the journey of figuring this new identity out.
Although this new identity was challenging and overwhelming at times, I decided it was a new part of me. It would not OVERTAKE who I already was. It just added to who I was. It didn’t change me, it expanded me.
I think this perspective is crucial. I notice a lot of moms really get lost in their kids. It’s easy to do and I only have one kid. It’s all about the kids, but it’s not. It’s important to have your own identity apart from your kids. They don’t define us. You were a glorious human being before they were here. Yes, they are definitely a huge part of your purpose. But they are not your sole purpose.
As I was sitting around feeling hopeless, I realized that I had lost some of me. I HAD made it all about my baby. I put all my goals on hold. Of course, in the first few weeks, that’s fine. But then I decided I didn’t want to be the Mom that put everything on hold for 18 yrs. The kids are gone and “Hey, who am I and what am I supposed to do now?”
I whipped out some paper and wrote some goals down. Of course, I remembered what I wanted, my hobbies, my purpose. Spiritual, emotional, physical, etc. Starting small, I jotted down a few things. I felt empowered, renewed and hopeful. Yeah, I can still be a Mom and have my own identity. These things are important to me and pursuing them does not take away from my son.
Of course, time feels different after having a baby. Weeks go by and you wonder where they went. What do I have to show for myself after all this time? Oh yeah, I’m teaching a little human how to be in this world. It’s one of the most important jobs on the planet.
So don’t get all worked up if you write some goals down and you don’t get them done. You will. Have faith. Work on things here and there. Have fun. Do something for yourself. You are important. Investing in yourself will make you a better Mom. I’m excited to be working on my goals again. It makes me feel alive.