Posted in Amelia, Amelia on parenting angst, Blog, Featured, Mother

Coming out of the baby bubble

How to start… Well? I have been busy and not in a writing kind of mood lately. Part of it is an occupational hazard–I’m an editor and it’s been raining projects for me for some time. Not that I’m complaining–I like my work–but when the bulk of my non-mothering time is spent analyzing the meaning and grammar of complex text, the last thing I feel like doing in my other-other spare time is writing, about anything really, but maybe especially writing about parenting. Because if I’m not doing one vocationally, I’m doing the other avocationally; writing about it just seemed like too much of a good thing. (I know you were dying to know where I was.)

Having this time away from personal writing and also E (I primarily stay home with her, but when I have more projects to do, we increase her time at daycare from one morning a week commensurate with the amount of work I have on my plate), has kind of reopened my world. I’ve been in the “baby bubble” for the past almost 2.5 years–on purpose. I intentionally have chosen to keep things small, quiet, and child-focused, so I could really concentrate on being present with E. Not that there aren’t five bazillion ways of doing things, parenting being no exception, but knowing myself, keeping things small–for a v. sensitive person like youuurrrs truly–was the best thing to do. But now, it’s like all of a sudden I remember that there are things! That I like to do! That make me happy! And engage me in a completely different way! And I need to make time to do them!

I’ve written before about the friend of my family who is a medical intuitive; part of her “thing” is to help people to recognize their purpose. According to her framework, everyone has a core set of attributes that are specific and unique to them. And there are activities–small and simple things–that harmonize with that core set of attributes. That engage you on a deep level, feed your soul, and, as she says, “put you in ‘the light.'” For some it could be playing music, for others it could be solving a math problem–it is anything where you are completely immersed in a positive space of utter engagement. The clearest path to your purpose, then, is to determine those activities and do them. A lot! And the way forward to your Purpose will emerge.

So that’s another reason I’ve been MIA–is that I’ve been trying to metaphorically put myself in the light (’cause living in the PNW, it ain’t happening literally), to try to determine what my post-baby-bubble purpose–or really my greater “Purpose”–is. To reexamine what I’ve done with my life up to now, and to figure out if the trajectory I thought I was on pre-baby is one that still fits me, post-baby. I know this is something a lot of new(ish) mothers struggle with–where do I want to be and how does it all fit together, pre/post. I’m still trying to coax the Big Picture into focus, but I can say that trying to stay open and focused on actively choosing things that put me in the proverbial “light” have helped to make my life a more comfortable and pleasant place to be, even if I don’t know what the ultimate outcome looks like right now. I think, too, that part of staying open is recognizing that nothing in the past has been a waste of time–that it has all been in service to getting me inches closer to figuring out my purpose.

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