How about just being honest?
I can only describe my first year as a Mother as feeling like I was slowly walking through what felt like quicksand made up of concrete. One step I felt like I was actually getting somewhere holding the possibility that I would soon be free but the feeling was fleeting. The next step would yes, be in forward motion but I quickly realized I was starting to sink again. One moment I was thinking there was a way out of the mess, the next I’d be up to my waist again in the concrete knowing I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
One struggle connected to another until one day I woke up and I felt like I had reached the grassy prairie that was covered in spring blooms of wildflowers. I don’t know how I got there. I only knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had reached “the other side”. What felt like a dream was not, it was reality. I thought, I must make this moment count because on the other side of this prairie there is sure to be more quicksand or worse yet some type of swamp full of indescribable awful things.
Can’t I stay here forever? The sun is shining. It’s warm on my face, my back, my hands. Birds are singing. The flowers smell wonderful. I feel peace. Hope. Even happiness. It’s a good day.
This is my world called Motherhood.
No one told me it would be like this. Heck, maybe I wouldn’t have believed them if they did. I seriously think my Mom doesn’t remember the early days with 3 kids under 5. She probably had to block it out to keep her sanity. I’m not surprised. That will be me someday too, I’m sure.
When I wake up everyday, I wonder what kind of day it will be. I’ve believed for a long time that our thoughts become our reality. Mainly, I know that’s true.
Some days my positive thoughts do win. Other days, they lose quickly after suffering brutal beatings.
I work at not becoming a victim to my surroundings. I think, “I choose today to be happy no matter what happens.” One thing happens, then another. Next thing I know I feel like screaming at my son, putting that loud annoying toy down the garbage disposal and sending him to bed at 5pm without dinner. Ok, I wouldn’t actually do all of that I’m just saying that sometimes the emotions are that strong. I don’t have a problem admitting it either.
I think that’s a problem in this world. You know, people acting perfect. Or at least they walk around and you KNOW they think they are giving off the “perfect mom” image. Sorry to break it you Mamas, but that doesn’t fool me for a minute. I know you aren’t perfect. You may be able to look at yourself in the mirror and get away with believing that lie but reality will soon be shining through a crack in that mirror. One day, the crack will come and you will wake up. It’s just a matter of how much time you will have wasted living that lie.
Enough of that…back to my prairie or quicksand. Which was it?
Things aren’t perfect and they sure as hell aren’t the way I thought they would be. Wasn’t that book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” supposed to cover all of this?
Check this out. Now they have an entire website devoted to it called What to Expect. This is disturbing. Check out the topics of the Most Read articles.
- The Facts on Babies’ Flat Heads
- The Best Sippy Cups for Babies
- The Toy-Safety Scoop
- Should You Bathe With Your Baby?
Some of the featured articles on the homepage are topics such as Celebrity Families & How to Win New Baby Bedding!!! No wonder Moms feel no support and feel so alone. We certainly aren’t getting any help from these people.
Their tag line says, “Pregnancy and Parenting, Every Step of the Way.” GREAT! Where are the articles about how to deal with postpartum depression? What about helping me with how to deal with figuring who the heck I am anymore? Or how to deal with my spouse that is doing everything I don’t want him to do and nothing I want him to do? Or why do I still feel so alone? Or helping me with my unrealistic expectations I put on myself? Or how to deal with the pressures of having a perfect baby according to all the books and experts? Or how to manage my life when everything I try seems to completely fail?
I mean, seriously! How about just being honest? You are not with me every step of the way, not even close.