Posted in Blog, Emotional wellness, Featured, House and home, Life as a mom, Mother, Rebecca, Wife, Woman, Working or staying home

Why you don’t have to give that up

For most of my life, I thought you had to sacrifice everything when you had kids. That’s pretty much why I never wanted to have any kids. I finally realized that was a “set of sunglasses” I was wearing. What I mean by that is it was my perspective, my way of viewing the world, but that didn’t mean it was the truth. We often go through our lives with many “sets of sunglasses” about the way things are. If we realize we have these on, we can easily and quickly take them off to see the truth.

I realized I had this viewpoint and it really was that easy. I became aware that this is not how MY life had to be. I could have a family AND still follow my dreams. And just like that, I felt free. Deep down (and I mean DEEEEEP down), I really did want kids. I was so happy that I discovered my sunglasses and could now do something different.

A lot of what I talk about with my friends is related to this. Many Moms I know that had a baby (and a career) were planning on going back to work at a later date TBD. Of those that chose to stay home full time and NOT return to work, many are struggling with “what to do now”.

I never had a career such as a teacher, writer, doctor, etc. so I don’t relate to their longing to “return to the field.” I do however, have my own purpose. I’m just more of the entrepreneurial type. In the same way other people wish to return to their work, I have a deep fire inside of me to be creative, start new businesses, and try new things. We’re all the same really.

It didn’t kick in immediately after I had my son, but after a while, I did start to feel like I “needed something else.” Not that being a Mom wasn’t fulfilling. It is. Not that I wanted to be away from my son. I didn’t.

I understood my new role. It took a while but I uncovered my new identity. I surrendered to my new way of life and realized things were going to be different.

But I still needed to find that thing. Something I could do to feel like I was still living my purpose other than that of being a Wife or Mom. Something that challenged me. Something to get excited about. Something that stirred me up inside. Something that made a difference. (Something that made money too would be cool, but it wasn’t a requirement.)

Finally I found it. And you have to find yours. I’m SO happy I did find it. I wrote this post because I hear SO many people talk about giving everything up for their kids. NOOOOOOO!

It doesn’t have to be that way. That’s a pair of sunglasses that you are wearing that makes you SEE things that way. You can work and still be a great Mom, it may just look different that you thought. I’m not just talking about work either. This applies to anything.

You can travel with a family. That was a huge thing for me. I have an almost 2 yr old and we travel a lot. Road trips and air travel. We make it work because it’s important to us to have those experiences, for us and our family.

Whatever you want to create in life is completely up to you, whether you have kids or not. In the end, if someone says they can’t do something because they have a child, it’s really just an excuse.

A close friend of mine recently told me this and I LOVE it.

“As we go through life we collect memories. These memories are reworked and edited. What comes out is a story that shows we have a “reason” for everything we have done. Unfortunately ‘reasons’, as handy as they are, have nothing to do with results. Results are produced, not from our story, but from purpose and commitment.”

 

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