Posted in Blog, Featured, Just for you, Life as a mom, Love and marriage, Mother, Posts for mommies-to-be, Rebecca, Still pregnant?, Wife

After baby: my marriage

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately about how different my life is now since having a baby. I don’t hear it discussed much but expect your relationship with your spouse to undergo incredible obstacles and challenges, as well as grow and mature.

I’ve always had a wonderful husband. He is just amazing. We’ve always had great communication with total honesty. As the years go by, we get closer and closer. I love him very much. 

I could not imagine going through labor without him there. He was my rock. I depended on him to be my birth partner and he was. I thought so highly of him, I even opted to labor without a doula. He knew the right thing to say at the right time….or knew when to be quiet. I knew labor would be intense, especially laboring with no pain medication. And intense is probably an understatement.

I had NO IDEA how intimate giving birth is. It’s a different intimate than what is shared in the “bedroom”. It’s complete vulnerability. And I could only do it because of my absolute trust in my husband, and midwives of course.

After the birth, I had never felt so close to anyone in my entire life. My husband felt like a part of me. Labor and birth was an insanely overwhelming experience. Painful, glorious, out of body, primal, spiritual. And to share it all with him was perfect.

In the days and weeks following my son’s birth, I mostly focused on my physical recovery and taking care of my baby. My husband was focused on taking care of me. I remember sharing cuddles with him, and kisses and hugs that went on forever. What was this intense and new love I was feeling for my husband? Where was it coming from? (ok, I’m sure part of it was my hormones but not entirely)

I heard for years that after you had kids, your marriage changes. I always thought that saying was so dumb. I wasn’t going to let my marriage change, at least not for the worse. Sure, it can get better, but I didn’t want to be that wife that never wants to have sex because she’s “so tired”. I thought, “well, I will always want sex no matter what.” hahahaha…..and then I experienced sleepless new mom syndrome. :)

It’s true. Your marriage will change. I see my husband different. He’s a father now and becoming parents has increased our capacity in so many ways. We have learned more patience. We are more exhausted from time to time, yes, but only because we share long days playing with our son and making the most out of our time together. We have less time to waste doing things that are insignificant. Life choices matter more because we are thinking of how they will affect our son and family. We’re more conscious of how we talk to each other because when we do, our son is watching.

Marriage is more work now, but in a good way. Time needs to be set aside to spend together. Time alone is important but hard to come by. I’ve heard this quote often and it applies perfectly to this, “Stop doing what’s urgent and start doing what’s important.” I love that. Often, we live our lives by doing what has to be done now. Don’t let life just happen. Slow down and choose what you want to do because it’s important to you.

 

 

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