Posted in Birth Stories, Blog, Mother, Posts for mommies-to-be, Rebecca, Recovering from childbirth, Still pregnant?

My story: chapter 9

Ugghh. This is the part I hate thinking about.

Around 4 am

I’m finally at 10 cm and feeling the urge to push. Yay. Can I say that I have heard some people say how awesome it feels to push??? Umm, no, not for me. I would not describe it as awesome in any way. The only awesome thing about being in labor is that it ends with a baby coming out.

They directed me towards the birthing stool, saying that sitting on that produces the best results in the pushing stage, typically.  A birthing stool if you haven’t seen one is basically like a toilet seat on a small stool with handles on each side to grip while you are bearing down. This did feel better than laying on the bed on my back with my knees up to my ears.

Let’s see….how graphic do I get here? It’s hard to know what to include. I don’t want to disgust anyone or offend anyone. I’ll do it this way.

If you think you might not want to get grossed out, or be offended, or read something too personal, now would be the time to stop reading. Ok. Done.

Back to the story.

At this time, I’m completely naked. When having a natural birth, they don’t do enemas and I had been eating for the last few days. So it didn’t smell to great in the room. And let’s just say I didn’t want to look down on the floor while I was pushing…or after.

I had no awareness of being naked. I had no awareness of how gross everything was. I do though remember thinking how primal it all seemed. I’m just in the experience. In fact, all I remember at this time was…

at the end of 5 hrs of pushing

– this feels awful
– why I want a natural birth?
– why do people choose this?
– I’m getting pain medication next time
– what time is it?
– how can I escape?
– this is so gross
– is he out yet?
– why are her fingers up there everytime I push?
– is my husband gonna ever see me as sexy again after seeing me this way?
– wow, these midwives really feel called to do this. this is pretty intense
– how can I escape?
– is he out yet?
– how much longer?

I remember the midwives saying that he made a little progress down the canal, then he would move back up. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just come out. What was so difficult for him? Did he just have a huge head?

After a while, I absolutely and completely disconnected from the situation. I couldn’t handle the pain, the intensity. Feeling that with every push, it HAD to be my last because I had nothing left. With every push so painful, I couldn’t bear to feel that again, even for one more time. In between pushes, I was crying but I didn’t know why. Feeling lost, afraid, and then simply nothing at all. At one point, I swear I was looking down at the situation from somewhere up above. I had no idea how much time had passed.

Yup. I pushed for a horrible 5 hrs. At 9:00 am, an exhausting 30 hours after my water broke, the midwives came back into the room after conferencing out in the hall. She sat down and said, “I think it’s time for you to go to the hospital. We’ve exhausted every resource we have to get that baby out and he needs to come out.” Yeah no kidding.

She told me that he was so close, if we went to the hospital they could probably do a vacuum birth. This would be possible with no drugs allowing me to deliver as natural as possible still. Sounded good to me. I was out of there so fast. When I got into the car, I couldn’t sit on the seat so I had to kneel and put my weight on the seat with my upper body. I felt like I had a bowling ball trying to come out my butt. Gross, I know.

We headed to the hospital which was super close, Thank God.

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  1. Wow, I can relateto a lot of this, pushed for I think about four hours and required a lot of help to get Hazel out. I remember especially since she’s my second and everyone saying “it’ll be so much faster this time” being pretty freaked out..

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