Posted in Birth Stories, Blog, Mother, Posts for mommies-to-be, Rebecca, Recovering from childbirth, Still pregnant?

My story: chapter 10

9:00 am – Hospital

As you can see in the picture, I am still out of it. I’ve completely disconnected from my body. I can’t feel the pain anymore. I’m not thinking anything really. Lost.

The first thing the nurses did, of course, was hook me up to all the machines to measure vitals. After they had configured everything, the doctor came in and checked me and the baby.

I remember her being surprised. She told me I was doing great (my vitals) and the baby was also in great condition (vitals) considering the circumstances. Don’t remember if I thought it or said it, but I couldn’t believe she said I was doing great. Did she not understand the Hell I had been through? I was not doing great!!!

*Cue depressing music*

She sat on my bed, put her hand on my hand, and said, “Well honey, I have some great news and some bad news. The great news is that your vitals are perfect and the baby seems to be doing fine also. The bad news is that he’s moved back up the canal and now he’s too far up for me to use the vacuum.”

WHAT? Isn’t that what I came to the f***ing hospital for? I knew we were running out of options here and I didn’t like thinking of the alternatives.

Then she says, “I can’t believe that it’s been 30 hours since your water broke. Why did they let you go this long at the birth center? If you were here at the hospital, I would have taken this baby out yesterday.

Ok, honey, I know how bad you wanted a vaginal birth. Since your vitals are holding at a good place, I’m willing to let you push for another hour and try for a vaginal birth. But after that hour is up, I’m taking this baby out via C-section. Those are your options.”

First words out of my mouth were, “Ummmm, can I get an epidural…..like now?” Everyone just started laughing. They called the anisthesilogist and literally within 5 minutes, I had my epidural. That worked out great. (he was headed into a surgery in a few minutes so he was able to fit my epidural in before he went into the OR.)

Compare this picture with the one above – This was me RIGHT after the epidural kicked in. Before, I was on my side holding onto the pillow for dear life. Now I’m actually able to rest for a minute.

After I rested for one minute, I was sitting up, asking a million questions, and going over my hospital birth plan with the nurses. I LOVED having an epidural. Not sure how I will go without that next time. Besides being tired, I felt like it was the beginning of labor all of a sudden…..ok not really.

The doctors all left so I could have some privacy to talk things over with my hubby. What did we want to do? Go for another hour? Or do the C-section. That was a pretty easy decision for me. I didn’t feel any pain anymore, so what would it hurt (no pun intended) to try another hour?

As we were discussing this, the nurse that was still in the room was looking at us kinda funny. I was curious why so I asked her if everything was alright. She came over to the bed and grabbed my hand.

“Honey, can I talk to you like a friend?”

Sure, I said.

“Ok. Well, not to scare you with this, but I saw how swollen you are down there. Let me describe it like this. You know how a balloon is really stretchy with no air in it? And then you blow up the balloon and fill it with air, it becomes thinner, and if you barely touch it with something sharp, it will pop because it’s so thin.

In a similar way, your skin is so swollen that it is stretched out the same way. If you deliver vaginally, you will not just tear a little bit. You may have extensive damage from ripping the skin that you may need reconstructive surgery.”

(sitting there in total shock wondering why I was so swollen. I knew I had been swollen on the Inside, but she was saying I was swollen on the OUTSIDE. I had no idea why at the time.)

Then what she said TOTALLY hit me. Did she say “reconstructive surgery”? NOOOOOOO.

In a flat second, I said,” WELL THAT’S AN EASY DECISION. I AM ONLY 28 AND I REALLY LIKE MY SEX LIFE. PLEASE CUT ME OPEN AND GET THIS BABY OUT NOW.”

No joke, that’s what I said. I didn’t understand how I got there, all swollen, but nonetheless I knew what I wanted to do. Schedule the C-section.

She left the room to go tell the doctor. After she left, I breathed a sigh of relief. This was almost the most peaceful time of the whole labor. I now knew an EXACT time that I would finally deliver the baby and get to meet him. Even though, it was not turning out to be the ideal delivery situation I had dreamed about, I had peace that in ONE hour, it would all be over.

My husband reminded me that for months leading up to this day, we talked about this already, all the “what if’s” of childbirth. For a long time, I was adamant that I would have a perfect and natural delivery with no complications. And I was honestly scared of C-sections. After I got pregnant, one day I realized that I needed to work through that anxiety BEFORE I went into labor.

After some long conversations with my husband, I decided that if I go into labor and I do ALL that I can to go natural, if we get to a certain point (whatever that may be) and I have to get a C-section, then I AM OK with that. It didn’t happen immediately, but I did finally surrender to this possibility.

Back to the hospital room….my husband reminded me of this. We knew it was the best option for our current situation. I had done all that I could. There were things that happened that I didn’t understand, but we could figure that out later. Right then, all I cared about was getting my son out and holding him. I wanted to know he was healthy and I was OK. I wanted to end this chapter and start the next.

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