Posted in Blog, Emotional wellness, Featured, Finding friends, Friends, Life as a mom, Mother, Rebecca

The ever changing circle of friends

When I stepped into Mommyhood 17 months ago, I really had no idea all that would change. I thought I was just adding a baby to my life. I was surprised when I found things falling away. Some of the unexpected changes were the change in close friends.

I now understand this because I’m a parent myself. Years ago, I would meet people that had kids and they would comment on how they were surprised me and my husband still wanted to hang out with them. They seemed to think that only couples with kids were the type to befriend them and stay friends. We had no kids but still loved hanging out with them regardless.

I’ve always been a social butterfly. I love friends. I love having a lot of friends. I just love people. Sometimes lately, I wonder why I don’t have that many close friends. Is it a reflection of something in me that needs to change? Do I not let people get close? It’s possible.

I’ve been a stay at home Mom since my son was born. Even before he was born, I was working at home with my husband. The transition to being at home was a hard one. I was left to make friends at church, the gas station and the coffee shop. I realized that when I worked outside the home, it was easy to make friends. I saw hundreds of people a day. I didn’t have to go looking for friends at all.

I looked forward to the birth of my son for many reasons. But one reason stood out (besides all the other obvious ones). I would go to Mommy groups and classes and MAKE NEW FRIENDS! Yippee. I would have many things in common with other Mamas. I’d meet Mamas in my neighborhood. (This was my reoccuring dream!) I’d meet them at the coffee shop, go for a run with our strollers, play at the park, etc. It would fantastic.

The day came. My son arrived. I did get out and meet new people. I made friends. And things were great. However, even attending multiple classes for new moms, I still wasn’t adding 10 Mamas a week to my contact list. I did make friends and we met for coffee, went for walks at Greenlake, and had playdates….but it took work. What I mean by it being work is not that I had to make myself do it, but it took effort.

I couldn’t wait for people to say Hi to me, I had to say Hi to them. I had to ask for contact info. I had to arrange playdates. And I don’t say this to complain….not at all. I was just surprised at how much effort it took to get out there and connect with other women when in my past it had been so effortless. Why was this?

I think for me anyway, it was because my life had slowed down before baby even came. I went to church a few times a week and made friends there, but other than that, I pretty much hung out with my husband. He had been working from home for almost 10 years already so he didn’t have a huge workplace friend-list either. We had a few close friends that we saw often and still do.

As I met new Mamas, I really felt like excited again. I love being a friend and having friends. I love the connection, the deep conversations, the tears, the laughter, the joy. I met women that were the total opposite of me but we got along great anyway. I’ve been inspired by women that are compassionate and caring. And hopefully along the way, maybe I too have been an inspiration to someone.

I’m so grateful for my new friends. I truly treasure them. I’m not a perfect friend and I will never profess to be. But I will always commit as a friend to be honest and loving.

Like all things in life that take time to develop and create, friendship can be the most delicate and scary at times. Relationships take effort. They are investments and will bring you the highest return.

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  1. Hey Rebecca. You are absolutely right about needing to make the effort. It’s even harder when you work out of the house, because family is the priority. That said, it is great to get together with women who are going through the same experiences. I love this photo from Magnus’ birthday. What a great memory. 8 awesome moms with their amazing babies. We should get together soon and share notes. Too much time has passed since I’ve been in touch. Let’s make a date.

  2. Susan,
    It’s so great to hear from you! I miss you. What day of the week is open for you? Yes, let’s make a date soon.

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