Posted in Blog, Emotional wellness, Life as a mom, Mother, Posts for mommies-to-be, Rebecca, Still pregnant?

Myths of the newborn honeymoon

Anyone take a childbirth class before having their baby? I did. My husband and I attended a 6 week course. I learned a lot. I gained much insight into the realm of child birthing. It had tremendous value and I loved the class. However, I honestly wish I had spent more time preparing to be a parent than how to have the best birth. 

There is a lot of focus on having the perfect birth, but what about after? We take baby home and instantly are responsible for the most serious burden we will ever carry. Raising a little human. Of course, we have tons of maternal instincts that kick right in. And we have all those wonderful words of wisdom from every woman around us that’s already “been there”. Then there are the millions of books that know it all. Maybe we have 5 0r 6 of those we read before baby came, and about 4 more on our coffee table we haven’t read. Some of them say the same things, others seem to preach the opposite.

Tons of information on how to raise your baby. How to get them to sleep. When to feed them. When to take them to the doctor, etc, etc, etc…..

I remember hearing that there is a honeymoon phase with a newborn. You stare at him for hours. He’s perfect and can do no wrong. Even the crying doesn’t bother you. His poop doesn’t stink. Diapers are fun to change. You don’t care about the amount of sleep you get because you are so in love with your baby.

WHAT????????????? Seriously what are these people thinking???? (ok not everyone feels the way I do, that’s fine. I get it. My opinion isn’t everyone’s opinion. I’m just saying that I wish someone had told me the truth.)

Having a newborn is HARD and the first weeks were almost Hell. (I say almost because it wasn’t pure constant torture, but almost.)

Honestly. I’m being brutally honest. There was no honeymoon for me! I wish. I truly wish it was. In fact, the first 3 months were terrifying. Constant doubt. Feeling inadequate. Am I doing it right? All these thoughts. And then there was my son. He didn’t seem to do anything the books said he was going to do. What tiny box do all these authors really think our babies will fit into?

I couldn’t hardly find answers for anything. The answers I found didn’t seem like they applied. Or I tried them and they didn’t work. Googling things just made me crazy. I couldn’t turn to my friends because they all had newborns and were searching for the same answers. (although I did find comfort in knowing they were going through the same challenges)

I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it was going to be. Everyone seemed to leave that out when giving advice. I thought at least there would be one book I could find that would help. But no.

OK OK OK OK….you get it. (I hear someone out there saying “shut up already”.)

moving on……

Now that I’ve been totally depressing in this post, (ha) I should say what did help. Getting together with other Mamas was what saved me. Can’t even describe why. We talked. We listened. We cried. We laughed. And maybe that was all I really needed all along. No answers, but just to be heard and loved. Isn’t that a basic need at the core of who we are? Well, it worked and filled so many holes…beyond what I expected.

I’m writing this for 2 reasons.

1.) – For you to know (if you don’t already) that having a baby is hard work (but fulfilling and wonderful). It’s not easy. Lots of days are hard and you’ll wonder why you got pregnant in the first place. But then you remember what’s important.

2.) Surround yourself with wonderful Mamas. They don’t have to have babies the same age. Get out a few times a week to see them and just hang out. You don’t always have to go somewhere fun. Playdates on the living room floor are my personal favorite. Share your heart. And listen from your heart.

xoxo

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  1. Hah! I was starting to feel like the only mom out there that didn’t fall into insta-love-hormoney-puddle-of-goo with their baby! It didn’t happen either time. The second time was a lot easier, just because I’d had one before, and the birth was a lot smoother, but dang… the first time? It was pretty awful. And I still don’t get the moms who like gush and cry over their newborns. So glad I’m not the only one 🙂 And yes, having mama friends is the *only* way to get through a lot of it. This is great advice!

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