Posted in Blog, Just for you, Love and marriage, Mother, Rebecca, Wife

Free time: Husband vs. Wife

Anyone feel like they are constantly arguing with their spouse over whose time is more valuable? This has to be one of the BIGGEST issues I’ve heard of in marriages dealing with having a new baby at home. My son is 17 months old now and we’re still working on this.

It’s not that we fight about it. We really don’t. It’s just more of an ongoing conversation that never seems to be resolved. Neither one of us is fuming about this or outraged, but is an issue. And just an issue that is there and that needs to be discussed.

A few Mom’s groups I go to seem to be talking about this a lot. It seems we’re all in the same boat.

My husband tells me he appreciates me. And I appreciate him, he knows that. His role is to work and provide for the family. My role is staying at home with the munchkin, taking care of the household things. The Man is working 8 hrs (or more) in a day, then he comes home and needs a break….BUT the Woman hands him the baby the second he gets home because SHE needs a break. I do see how this can create conflict in the home. Both have been working, each in different ways, doing different roles. Both have value. BOTH need breaks.

Men, we do love you. We do appreciate you. You love us. You appreciate us. Can we just get that out of the way? Ok, great. Honestly, I think this should never come up in conversation. This should be a given.

Then the next step is compromise. My husband likes to play video games. Great, he can have time to play video games. In return, I’d like some time (out of the house preferably) to go read a book at Barnes and Noble. or whatever.

One of the issues we run into regarding this topic is sleep. My husband really needs his sleep. If he’s not getting 8 hrs or more a night, then he is a wreak and has a hard time working the next day. Because of this, I decided at the beginning to be the nighttime parent. He did help out at night in the first few weeks, but pretty much after that, it’s been all me at nighttime. And I’m ok with that. If my son is having a hard time for a few nights because of teething or being sick, my husband will let me sleep in a few mornings.

I’d love to hear how other couples work out this issue. Maybe for some, it’s not even an issue.

I think the best perspective that has helped us with this is not looking at it as an “either or” situation. It’s not who needs a break more. We can both get breaks, maybe just at different times. Like anything else in marriage or life, this can be worked out by communicating honestly with each other. Talk to your spouse or partner and tell them your needs. But also listen to theirs. Ask them how you can best support them in feeling valued and appreciated. Imagine how nice it will be when your husband asks you the same question!

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