Posted in Birth Stories, Blog, Mother, Posts for mommies-to-be, Rebecca, Recovering from childbirth, Still pregnant?

My story: Chapter 4

After I finally surrendered to the decision to have a baby, it still took me a while to transition internally. I still didn’t know quite where a baby would fit into life, but we would just make it work. I decided I could have a family and my dreams too. The most important thing in this equation was the intention and commitment to make it all work.

We didn’t talk about when to have a baby for a while after we were married. I was in no hurry. I was a few years shy of 30 so I wasn’t feeling any pressure there. One night we were laying in bed, and my husband says, “So when do you want to have a baby?” It was out of the blue. I hadn’t really give it much thought lately. But since he brought it up, we might as well discuss it. And I should note this conversation happened in January of 2007.

He says, “Well what time of year do you think it would be easiest to be pregnant?”

“Probably through the winter time. I could layer my clothes, hide the belly, and I wouldn’t be dying from the heat.”

And he responds, “Yeah that makes sense. So if you want to be pregnant in the winter time, and deliver before it gets hot in Seattle, then we’re looking at a April-ish due date. That means we should start trying around July or August. Do you want to aim for 2007 or should we plan it for 2008?”

“Ummmm, 2007 is a little soon. That’s this year and only a few months away that we’d start trying. How about 2008? Does that work for you?”

“Yeah that sounds good. Ok then, we set a date.” And then he rolled over and went to sleep.

Hahahahahaha. What a conversation huh? Almost like we were talking about what to make for dinner or where to get our car repairs done. I suppose you can probably tell my husband sways towards the analytical thinking type. 🙂 I’m the opposite. Because I was hesitant to ever bring up the discussion of when to start trying for a baby, to be honest this conversation actually worked for me. We had set a date.

I remember going to a friends baby shower shortly after we had set our “babymaking date”. Many people there were friends of mine also and kept asking me when I was going to have my first baby. Finally I told them, “ok ok, everyone. We’ve officially set a date to start trying for baby. Summer of 2008.” All I could hear was the roar of laughter. I was stunned. Isn’t that what they were all wondering about? Why were they laughing? I heard a lady over in the corner (who I didn’t know) say, “Who on earth ever plans to have a baby?” It’s not something you plan.

I was honestly shocked. I was happy with making a plan. In fact, I was surprised more women didn’t make plans for something so important and life changing. Apparently the idea of having a vision and purpose for my life was histerical to them. You plan to go to college, you don’t plan to have a baby. Whatever, people. This is my life, not yours.

Later that day a girl came up to me in private and said how cool it was I had planned with my husband when we wanted kids. She said she never thought that far ahead about anything and now (3 kids later, all unplanned), she wishes she had done things differently. Still though, I’m still surprised the reaction I got to saying that I had made a plan. Is that really uncommon? Or maybe just in that group of people. Weird.

The plan was made. The date was set. And a week later, I had forgotten all about it. That’s the way I liked it. I would deal with that baby date later….much much later.

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  1. We planned, too! You are not alone! The funny part for me, though, is not the planning, but the thinking that you can make it happen at a certain time. And we ended up being very pregnant when it was very hot.

  2. I wish I could have planned! My best friend was able to time her son’s birth to avoid being pregnant during a wedding she was in, but boy, there’s nothing like infertility to throw a loop in your plans when it comes to parenthood! I lucked out the first time, and delivered in early June, but the second time I had to make through late August- I think I’m the only person that was very thankful we had a cool summer this year!

  3. Julia – I hear ya. Although we planned it, it still took us 3 months to ACTUALLY get pregnant.

    Beth – Just so you know, and anyone else prego in Seattle in the Summertime, we have an air conditioner. Next time it gets hot, it’s an open invitation to all prego Mamas to come on over!

  4. Hey lady! We planned, too (with Quinn), and got pregnant right when we wanted to, having a June baby. And I really lucked out that my little Oops will be a June baby, too. . .

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