Posted in Birth Stories, Blog, Emotional wellness, Mother, Posts for mommies-to-be, Rebecca, Recovering from childbirth, Still pregnant?

My story: Chapter 1

The last month, I have been getting counseling to work through my birth experience. It has been very helpful. It’s made me really look internally at a lot of things. Part of my homework is some journaling and self examination. If you don’t feel like reading about all of this, then you can just skip these posts. No worries.

I never wanted kids. Growing up, I didn’t play house. I didn’t plan my wedding. I didn’t ever really think about having babies. It just wasn’t on my radar. I was more of a tom boy. It wasn’t that I didn’t like girly things. I did. I just didn’t spend that much time dwelling on all that stuff.

In school, I was very focused. I studied hard. Got great grades. Always looked for ways I could do better, grow smarter, and work harder. I was a social butterfly but also a book worm at the same time. Weird combo really. My 2 older brothers were both very smart and I strived to follow in their footsteps (and also my parents) blazing a trail of genius. After all, I was the baby and had to live up to their standards, or better.

When I got to high school, the only thing that was on my mind was how to finish early and get the heck out of there. I hated the stupid high school drama, didn’t really care to waste time dating. Boys my age were so immature anyway. After one year in high school transferring to three different schools, I’d had enough. My mom homeschooled me and I worked all the way through summer graduating right after my 16th birthday. Yahoo. Now I could finally move on.

I went to a university in Tennessee to study music, then came home earlier than I thought. I had different dreams that what they wanted to teach me there. I could pave my own way. Create my own destiny. I didn’t need a degree to do what I wanted to do.

I spent the next few years working on my “vision” of my future. I dreamed big, really big. My goals were huge and I worried I didn’t have enough time to accomplish them all. I didn’t have time for kids. I wanted to travel, write music, record cds….and on and on. All it boiled down to was my dream to make a positive difference in the world, whether it was through music or some other way I hadn’t discovered yet. (but it didn’t include kids)

When I was 20, I went through a real rough patch. Really that’s the age when most of us are discovering who we are as a human. Who am I? What’s my purpose? Why am I here? Where am I from? What do I want to do? I dug and dug for the answers to these questions.

Yeah, I had fun at that time in my life, but I wasn’t a crazy young adult partying and living the “single” life. I was focused. Serious.

I got involved with a company called Klemmer and Associates. They teach seminars about leadership, personal growth, team development. My parents had just gotten divorced and I was going through some other crisis at the same time. It was a perfect time to work on “me”.

A lot of the work these seminars help you with is discovering your core belief systems and your values. What’s important to me? Why do I make the decisions I do? Well, hey….I was in the middle of figuring all that out anyway. It was perfect timing.

…..stay tuned for chapter 2

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