Life is not a beauty pageant
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve competed with other women for a loooooong time. Not on the track, or the softball field, or on a volleyball court. I’m not talking about THAT kind of competition. I’m talking about the big pink elephant that’s always in the room that we ALL know is there but don’t ever talk about.
My hair is prettier than hers. She may make more money than me, but at least I have a better body. I love this new outfit I got. I’m going to be the best dressed at the party. I’m more educated. I’m a better mom than you because my baby behaves better in public. and on and on and on……
It’s really starting to make me SICK. I moved around a lot when I was growing up. So I was the “new girl” quite frequently. I was a cute girl with blonde curly hair. The boys always liked me and they usually talked to me first. That made the girls upset and jealous. They had a harder time making friends with me. And I never got it. I thought boys were just nicer and I because of that, I never really wanted close girlfriends. It seemed there was too much drama, too much cattiness, too much competition. Boys were simple and simple was good.
Now that I’m a wife and mom, I find that women are not too much different than when we were younger. It’s always a competition. Even between close friends. Even between best friends. I’ve struggled with this for years. I didn’t quite understand it completely until I became a Mom where I really saw it in full force. Moms bringing their babies into the competition. Seriously? That should NOT be what mommyhood is about.
It is NOT about how well dressed your baby or kid is. What brands they wear. How you style their hair. How long they sleep. How cute they are. How well behaved. What good eaters they are. How long you breastfed. How little your kid screams.
It’s NOT about how awesome your pregnancy was. How great your labor was or how bad it was. How few stretch marks you have. How much weight you gained, or didn’t gain. What size you are.
You know….something is keeping people apart. Something is coming between friends and ruining relationships. Something is causing resentment. And I’m sick and tired of it.
WHAT THE HECK ARE WE THINKING?
I don’t want to constantly be living in the world, wondering what other women are thinking of me, how I’m dressed, if they think I’m beautiful, etc. I am not gonna live to be better than someone else or train my kid to think that way. Where did people become so self absorbed and self obsessed with material things that DON’T REALLY MATTER?
In 50 years, will our kids look back and care how well they were dressed? Or will they talk about how much they were loved and cherished? Living in a competition creates a stressful, and ultimately lonely life because you are constantly searching for what is better, and more more more so you can be gratified. But where does that road take you and what’s the prize at the end? I guess I won’t ever know because I’m not on that road.
I don’t know. Maybe you like the competition. Maybe you want that life. Great. You can choose that if you want.
but here is my vision…
Moms listening to each other with no judgement.
Acceptance. Honesty. Compassion. Love. Forgiveness.
Women working together instead of against each other.
Children being accepted and loved for who they are, not what they wear or the toys they have.
Women protecting each other from harm and hurt, instead of being the ones doing the harm.
Women feeling confident about who they are. Loving themselves. Honoring themselves.
I seriously challenge ANY woman that truly thinks they already live this way. I challenge you to look at yourself. I admit that I am guilty. But that’s not who I want to be and I will wake up every day with a commitment to be inspirational and loving. To be caring and kind. To listen and acknowledge.
Who are you really?
What will you choose?