Posted by in Blog, Emotional wellness, Life as a mom, Mother, Rebecca, Recovering from childbirth

Too soon or not soon enough?

After enduring natural labor for 32 hours and a C-section, I went home from the hospital with a bruised lung and seriously sleep deprived (because at the hospital, they have to come in your room every 2 hrs to check SOMETHING). The first 2 weeks home with baby are a blur, mainly because I felt like I had been hit by 2 mack trucks. I slept a lot. Laid on the couch a lot. Because of my bruised lung, I had stabbing pain (10 on a scale of 1-10) that would come and go at weird times. This made it hard to do anything. My husband was my biggest help during this time. He did most everything in those first 2 weeks. The only thing I was responsible for was breastfeeding.

As the 2 week mark came, I started feeling much better and longed to get out of the house for any reason. We decided to go to Target as our first outing as a family. We had a few things we needed and I felt up to the challenge. All I remember is getting about 2 things on our list and then the freakout came. Not even sure where it came from. I thought everyone wanted to grab my baby and I felt this overwhelming protective instinct take over. I was scared someone or something was gonna harm the baby. Someone would give him a deadly virus…or something would fall off the shelves and hurt him….the bright lights would hurt his eyes…and on and on.

I had to get out of there and do it fast. I told my husband I didn’t care what he got on the list but that I would be in the car. I made a beeline to our car and at the halfway mark, totally lost it. I sat in the car bawling my eyes out. And couldn’t quite figure out why. I guess it was too soon for me. I had made it fine to the hospital follow up appts. And to his doctor checkups.

The week after that happened, I decided I had enough courage to go to the First Weeks class at Birth and Beyond. After all, I had some questions piling up to ask the beloved Ann Keppler. I was still nervous about going out with the baby. I was surprised how overly protective I felt for this little tiny being. But that day, my courage won over my fear.

I made it to the class successfully, even on time. As I sat there in the presence of all these wonderful mothers and babies, I felt overwhelmed again. But this time, it was overwhelming love, acceptance, support. These women knew exactly what I was going through. I was seriously not alone in this journey. They even had exactly the same struggles as me. How bizarre.

I started beating myself up a bit on how lame I had been the last 3 weeks not getting out of the house. I was acting like a Momma bear with a new cub. That wasn’t all that unusual really. I felt bad that I had missed out on not connecting with these awesome Mommies earlier. I was getting such incredible value out of being around them and listening to their struggles and their joys of everyday life with a newborn.

1st trip to Golden Gardens

I think if I had not had such a hard labor, I would have gotten out earlier. But it doesn’t really matter when it is. What matters is what’s right for you. If you can get out of the house for at least a walk around your block, you will probably feel good about that. Don’t feel rushed to start scheduling playdates every other day for your little one. That will come.

I do have some great memories of our first outings with other Moms. We would meet at a coffee shop near Greenlake. One or two moms would always show up that we didn’t know, that someone had invited at the last minute. And we all loved that. We would head off to the lake, with the ambition of walking the whole way around. We would stop a million times to address the needs and wants of the little ones. It was so much fun stopping to breastfeed all together. haha. Five Moms and babes on a bench breastfeeding while everyone walks by staring at us….haha. Good times. Should have gotten a picture of that. It was always a fun time talking about the ups and downs of life. And it always took us forever to do what used to be a quick 40 min walk.

One girl I knew with a new baby didn’t leave her house for 6 weeks. She started to feel really down and I finally said, “Ummm, why don’t you get out of your house and go do something with the baby? like a walk.” She did and immediately started feeling better. Made it a daily goal to get out at least once….even if it was walking up and down the sidewalk for a few minutes.

I’ll always remember that trip to Target, and I think it’s a funny memory now. I can’t believe how much I freaked out. Those postpartum hormones are sure fun, aren’t they?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>